Building Your Support Network

We all need a support network: people who can listen to us when we need to talk, encourage us when we are down, and reassure us that we are not alone. Humans are social animals. Very few of us can live as hermits and feel gratified and content. There are a few of you out there—quite possibly more since the development of the sophisticated little box you are sitting in front of right now. Let's face it: Solitude is good for the soul, but being alone when you want to be with others is lonely. That’s why building a support network is crucial to well-being and nourishment of the intellect. Generally speaking, to feel content we need to have at least two or three close relationships.

A support system can be made up of friends, family members, colleagues, teachers, mentors, neighbors, lovers, and ex-lovers. You should seek support from those who have your best interests at heart—people who can draw out your strengths when you have moments of self-loathing and inadequacy, and who tell you to get out of bed when you feel like packing it in for a few months until life gets better. These should be people you can trust and connect with on an emotional level.

"So," you ask, "what if I've cut myself off from friends, don't like the people at work, don't go to church, and hardly ever talk to family?" This means that it’s time to think clearly about the people in your life (or not in your life) and decide what it is you would like from others and who specifically might provide this to you. The next step is to give to others what you want in return. Reaching out to others and taking an interest in them will encourage them to do the same for you. Sometimes this can be difficult if you are feeling emotionally vulnerable or if your self-esteem has been squashed by a recent loss or failure.

Even small initiatives can supply the fuel to get going on developing a larger support system. Go smile at someone in the supermarket or chat up your next bus driver. Join a club. Take a class. Go back to school. Call your mother. Go to a meditation center. Go to church. Join a food co-op. Write to a long-lost friend. Get the e-mail address of every fourth person you meet in a day. Join a committee. These positive interactions can stimulate self-confidence and nudge your self-esteem back into place.

Start talking to people and drawing them into your world. Make a list of the qualities you would like to see in your next best friend. Remind yourself each day of the support you are seeking. Ask a higher power to provide you with some support. Seek professional help if you are too shy, depressed, or miserable to develop a support network. Include your doctor or a therapist in your support network if that helps you feel safer. Sometimes rehearsing social skills with a therapist can help you learn how to meet people and include them in the safety net that stands between you and the canyon of despair.

Professional associations are another way to build your support network. Not only will they enhance your professional identity and access to pertinent information or training, but they can also put you in contact with others who share similar work interests and experiences. Joining a self-help group could also be of great use. Attend a meeting of a weight control group or any other type of group that addresses an issue you struggle with in your life. Sharing a common bond with others is a powerful and healing support for your inner self.

Check your local paper for group meetings. Call your local mental health center or hospital for other ways of finding support. Therapists can be found through professional referral or by looking in the phone book. Some people just feel better once they've gotten a haircut, massage, or manicure. Resources for support can exist in anyone who is able to give you a boost and help set you on your feet again when you begin to topple.

To some degree we all need each other, so don't underestimate the importance of having a support network.

By Rebecca M. Steil, LICSW, MPH
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