Helping a Loved One Quit Smoking

In order for a smoker to quit he has to want to quit. Still, even when a smoker seems resistant, you can nudge him along with your concern and hope for his future.

Remember that people smoke for a variety of reasons, including:

• a sense of increased energy or stimulation

• the pleasurable feeling that often accompanies a state of well-being

• reduced tension and/or feelings of anxiety

• behavioral and physical addiction

• appetite stimulant

• antidepressant

• identify with the image of a smoker

It might be helpful to tell your loved one these good reasons to quit:

• The risk of heart disease due to smoking is reduced by half after just one year of quitting. After 15 years of quitting, the risk is similar to that of persons who have never smoked.

• After 10 years, the risk of lung cancer for ex-smokers drops to as much as one-half that of continuing smokers. The risk continues to decline with additional years of staying smoke-free.

• In five to 15 years, the risk of stroke for ex-smokers returns to the level of those who have never smoked.

• After 15 years without cigarettes, the risk of death for ex-smokers returns to nearly the level of persons who have never smoked.

• Male smokers who quit between ages 35 to 39 add an average of five years to their lives. Female quitters in this age group add three years. Men and women who quit at ages 65 to 69 increase their life expectancy by one year.

• Ex-smokers are less likely to die of chronic lung diseases, such as emphysema.

• Ex-smokers have better health status.

Five stages of quitting smoking

Most smokers go through five stages of quitting. Even though you can’t make him quit, you may be able to help nudge him to the next stage of quitting.

Stage 1: No way. During this stage, the smoker needs to learn about the dangers of smoking and the benefits of quitting. He needs to be confronted with the truth about his smoking—the cost, the smell, the hassle and his health.

Stage 2: Contemplating quitting. This stage also requires the smoker to learn more about why he should quit and what treatment options are available.

Stage 3: Planning to quit. During this stage, planning is important. Help your loved one set a quit date and prepare for it. At this time, you and your loved one should continue to learn as much as possible about treatment and what to expect during the first few days and weeks.

Stage 4: Quitting. The smoker may benefit from discussing medical management with a health care professional. Together, the smoker and health care professional can choose an appropriate treatment plan. 

Stage 5: Relapse prevention. Once your loved one has quit smoking, she will need your ongoing encouragement and support. She may also want to receive medical monitoring.

Value conflicts

Many addicted smokers will want to quit when they can no longer reconcile the consequences of smoking with their values. For example, many parents enroll in a smoking cessation program because it was recommended by their child’s pediatrician. They are more concerned about their children’s lungs and health than their own. They cannot rationalize smoking when the consequences involve the health of their child. For others, the cost, inconvenience and public scrutiny have driven them to seek help.

Asking questions that create value conflicts can help motivate your loved one to quit. For example:

• If you were to become seriously ill and could no longer work, how would you support your family?

• If you were to die from a smoking-related illness, how would your family cope without you—both emotionally and financially?

• How much more money do you want to spend on smoking?

By Drew Edwards, MS; Mark Gold, MD; Michelle Tullis, MS
© 1999 University of Florida McKnight Brain Institute